silent lucidity what the damn hell is that

Chip

Anatoly and Valentin say that we're approaching the Bosporous. That's fine, what the shit do I care. We're headed to Berdyansk and when we're there i'm getting the mud bath treatment and i'm going to stay there til Spring. I'm tired of being out on the ocean in this rain and cold and i sure as shit aren't going to put into port anywhere in Eire or Italy although i like the idea of Italian girls and their skirts they DONT WEAR SKIRTS IN THE DAMN HELL WINTER

I'm not upset like I was this Fall when you tried to come after us. I have no desire to spend the next twenty years in Seizure World that shit damn hole with that shit damn hell fat girl. Your blog is a pile of shit but I don't mind it like I used to. Valentin says you need more of the Ukrainian porn stars and especially the ones that do it in the butt but don't grimace so much those girlies don't look as good but boy you sure remember them.

Peej is really the only person I care about, aside from the granddaughter Miranda. Your boys are as weird as you are and you are all major, major disappointments to me both professionally and in the personal family damned way so don't bother with Christmas and all that shit I think Miranda will get something and Peej is getting a watch don't tell him we stopped in Morocco and I beat up a watch seller and took his best watch and put it in the post.

Next year chip i'm going to kick your ass. Hear me? i'm going to kick your ass, take back Der Admiral Hassenpfeffer, and wear you like a dangly bell off my slipper.

Bah!

Ukrainian chip damn hell you better learn it I want my ship back

Key to abbreviations: frm = formal / polite, inf = informal, sg = singular, pl = plural

English Українська (Ukrainian)
Welcome Ласкаво просимо (Laskavo proschmo) Вітаємо (Bitajemo)
Hello Вітаю (Vitayu) - frm, Агов (Ahov) - inf
Алло (Allo) Слухаю (Sluchaju) - on phone
How are you?
I'm fine, thanks. And you? Як ся маєте? (Jak sia majete?)
Дякую, добре. А ви? (Djakuju, dobre. A vy?)
Long time no see Давно не бачились (Davno ne bačiliś)
What's your name?

My name is ... Як тебе звати (Jak tebe zvaty?) inf, sg
Як вас звати (Jak vas zvaty?) frm/inf pl
Мене звуть (Mene zvuť ...)
Where are you from?
I'm from ... Звідки ви? (Zvidky vy?)
Я з ... (Ja z ...)
Pleased to meet you Приємно познайомитися (Prijemno poznajomytysia)
Good morning Добного ранку! (Dobnoho ranku)
Good afternoon Доброго дня (Dobroho dnia)
Good evening Доброго вечора (Dobroho večora)
Good night На добраніч (Na dobranič)
Goodbye До побачення (Do pobačennja)
Good luck Щасти вам/тобі! (Ščasty vam/tobi)
Нехай щастить! (Nechaj ščastytʼ)
На все добре! (Na vse dobre)
Cheers/Good health! Будьмо (Budʼmo), За здоровя (Za zdorovja)
Have a nice day Гарного дня (Harnoho dnja)
Bon appetit Смачного! (Smačnoho)
Bon voyage Щасливої подорожі (Ščaslyvoji podoroži)
I don't understand Я не розумію (Ja ne rozumiju)
Please speak more slowly Ви не могли б розмовляти повільніше
(Vy ne mogly b rozmovljaty poviľniše) - frm
Розмовляй повільніше (Rozmovliaj poviľniše) - inf
Please write it down Запишіть це, якщо маєте ласку
(Zapyšiť, jakščo majete lasku)
Будь ласка записати це (Buď laska zapysaty ce)
Do you speak Ukrainian?
Yes, a little Ви розмовляєте українською?
(Vy rozmovliajete ukrajinśkoju)
Так, трохи (Tak, trochy)
How do you say ...
in Ukrainian? Як сказати українською ...?
(Jak skazaty ukrajinśkoju ...?)
Excuse me Перепрошую! (Pereprošuju)
How much is this? Скільки це коштує? (Skiľky ce koštuje?)
Sorry Вибачте! (Vybačte)
Thank you
Response (You're welcome) Дякую (Diakuju) Дуже дякую (Duže diakuju)
Прошу будь даска (Prošu, buď laska)
Where's the toilet? Де туалет? (De tualet?)
This gentleman/lady
will pay for everything Цей пан платить за все (Cej pan platityť za vse) - gentleman
Ця пані платить за все (Cia pani platityť za vse) - lady
Would you like to
dance with me? Хочеш зi мною потанцювати?
(Chočeš zi mnoiu potanciuvaty?) - inf
Хочете зi мною потанцювати?
(Chočete zi mnoiu potanciuvaty?) - frm
I love you Я тебе кохаю (Ja tebe kochaju)
Я тебе люблю (Ja tebe liubliu)
Get well soon Видужуй[те] (Vydužuj[te])
Leave me alone! Залиште мене у спокої! (Zalyšte mene u spokoji)
Help!
Fire!
Stop! Допоможіть! (Dopomožiť!)
Пожежа! (Požeža!)
Стій! (Stij!)
Call the police! Викличте міліцію (Vyklyčte miliciju)
Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year Веселого Різдва і з Новим Роком
(Veseloho Rizdva i z Novym Rokom)
Happy Easter З Великодніми святами (Z Velykodnimy sviatamy)
Happy Birthday Многая Літа (Mnohaja Lita) = "Many Years"
З днем народження (Z dnem narodžennia)
One language
is never enough Однієї мови ніколи не достатає
(Odnijeji movy nikoly ne dostataje)
My hovercraft is full of eels Моє судно на повітряній подушці наповнене вуграми
(Moje sudno na povitrianij podušci napovnene vuhrami)



Bah!

Raccoon and Baked Potato

I lost one of my helicopters again today

but we found it when we opened the forward cargo bay hatch those things are huge and I laugh every time someone falls down in there. I sit here on the bridge and just laugh at what goes on don't mind it a bit glad I am here.



Bah!

fat girl your dumb butt isn't here

I don't miss that fat girl she was annoying me and she had a boyfriend who would come around and take stuff like one or both of my guns I was mad.



Bah!

damn hell singing potato

what the damn hell potatoes don't sing they are wonderful, cuddly things full of love and they always have made me happy don't care for the singing but I do like the idea of the potato having a source of income always have to have a job even if you are a potato

Pooped on my shoe again

No but I laugh when I type that hee hee



Bah!

Back on the Internet, fat girl you read this, I don't like you, so stick it where the sun it doesn't shine

Internet got turned back on don't know how or why suddenly we can start writing on the Internet and I told Anatoly and I told the other fellow I need to tell the boys to get my granddaughter off the AH or its trouble and whatnot

Anyway, I've been missing my shows. I think this tub leaks, and I can't find my slippers



Bah!

Damn hell McDonalds I'm the king of all potatoes!

God damn what goes >?here?


From the fields of Idaho to tasting rooms in suburban Chicago, potato farmers, researchers and industry representatives are in the midst of an elusive hunt: finding a new spud for McDonald's french fries.
A decade has passed since the fast-food giant last added a new U.S. potato variety to three others approved for its golden fries, something that both irks and motivates potato researchers who hope their progeny will be next.
Because McDonald's buys more than 3.4 billion pounds of U.S. potatoes annually, it has the power to dictate whether a variety sprouts or winds up in the less-lucrative supermarket freezer's crinklecut bin — or worse yet, banished to become dehydrated taters.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32983108/ns/business-us_business/

Some bullshit! Norman, if you see this, go blog about this and this is what I want you to say: mcDonalds you stink!!!

When the fat girl took my potato I cried. I'll bet she stuck it between her legs and walked it to McDonalds aor something like that damned hell oh I'm mad now.

Tell granddaughter to jump ship and let you stink on your own. Peej, you're too good of a boy to write off just yet.

Chip whatever.
Bah!

Bye bye

Not going to the Bahamas the Bahamas are full of communists no we're going to take over the potato harvest in whoops better not say did you like the nice ones I dumped on MY boat that you are using?

The only reason you're not bobbing in the water with the Cubans is because you have my granddaughter on that boat tell Miranda the A. H. is looking trim and she has the ballast tanks looking level but as the fall comes on, ballast tank forward starboard might give her fits.



Bah!

That was some fine work, Peejamod

A fine son you turned out to be. Why are you keeping Chip afloat? Why are you thwarting me? All I'm trying to do is get my boat back damned hell and you had to fire warning shots, scared my people, they're Ukrainian but they've been in prison a while and the sound of gunfire makes them jumpy I like what you did with the nets and the blimps that was good stuff but damned hell Chip is a pain in the ass can you ask him to quit blogging I have diarrhea every time I read his bullshit.

Love, dad.

Bah!

I'm fine boys

alright fine I will tell you what's what.

Got tired of not having my potato where I left it. The fat girl at the LW facility well she would take my damned potato and move it and I told her not to. I told her I wanted bean with bacon soup on Tuesdays for lunch. She'd have them get me the crap from the store, and when they served me tomato, I lost it and got the hell out of there boys and don't tell me the soup don't matter it does and you don't ever tell an Irishman his soup doesn't matter I'll go to hell myself if it doesn't.

Anatoly Ivanesevich got him and his folks released for a promise of getting out of the Ukraine, and they came and got me, and now the hell is coming down for everyone who thwarted my potato ambitions. You boys keep Miranda out of this and off my boat. The damned Navy is going to take out the AH finally and once and for damned all if they get their chance.

Peej, keep your brother out of trouble, what a goddamned idiot. Have you been reading his blog? What's with the boobies? What's with all of that don't understand a thing.

A Plea

Father,

Please return to Northern Virginia. Don't make Peej come and find you.

Chip

URGENT

- - Mr. Norman Rogers, Jr.

The following matter is URGENT

I am leaving this note on your father's web site in order to inform you that we cannot locate him. The facility has no record of him being signed out by yourself, by Miss Miranda, or by Mr. Peejamod. Mr. Rogers was in the care of Miss Martinez this afternoon but she was called away from her station by a false report of a raccoon in the cafeteria.

He was signed out of the care suite at 2:12PM by a Mr. Anatoly Nevermind and we have a witness who says that Mr. Rogers was placed in an Airport Hotel van and has left this facility.

Please contact us at your earliest convenience. I apologize for communicating to you in this manner, but it is urgent that we hear from you.

Thank you,

Mark Diedrickson,
Leisure World
Extended Care Administrator

no poop today

just a desperate cloud of despair came trickling out wasn't gross smelled like old milk too

when did Bob McNamara Die?

that son of a bitch owes me money

chips baby picture

no its a monkey but I laughed my ass clear off the chair

what?

fat girl says it s a chimp I say its a CHIP!!!!!!

when did july get done

the calendar is all wrong chip aren't you suppposed to go to St Thomas and get the Admiral Hassenpfeffer ready?

been thinking about leaving

soon as my buddies from Ukrainska can get here I'm gone bye bye a so long

a righteous pooping like that

deserves a post on my blog your blog stinks chip don't like peejs is okay but I don't understand any of it

pumpkins arent potatoes

they taste okay though i like them raw

can't find the icebox

someone come and turn on the light in this kitchen I can't find anything and I need a bath. The fat girl quit giving them to me because I farted in the tub what the hell was I supposed to do hold it in and explode into bits dumb girl

someone left the light on in the closet

cant reach the string but I'll go get a chair and stand on it and fall and break my hip if that's what my family who doesn't love me wants me to do

cant find the toilet again

found the closet though.

Don't go in there if you're name is Peejamod

GO IN THERE if your name is CHip damn hell don't post your crap on my blog I read your blog and threw up and don't talk about the Truman years because I don't want anyone here to know I had to wear the dresses at least you put it on your dumb celebunny blog or whatever aw damn hell take it down would ya?

hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

Let's Pause between Potato Rampages

Sorry, Father. Duty Calls.

Stop what you're doing and get ready to help me out and click some links, sir.

I sometimes forget to hit the brakes and bring it all to a screeching halt and tell you what's going on here and what's happening all around the vast empire of holdings that is Norman Rogers Enterprises, Investments, Chemicals, and Manufacturing.

We have created a new blog, designed to capitalize on the burgeoning art of humiliating and berating beautiful celebrities, called Celebrity Disaster.  Basically, when I discovered that celibritydisaster.com was available, I took it. It's a fun romp, a happy place, usually, but not too nasty. Those celebrity sites are just a bit much for me. I'm trying to create something a little more readable. Same for the website about my efforts as a Gentleman Bounty Hunter.  It was just sitting there, like a fat, juicy grape hanging just barely to the vine. It's mine, now. I realize that it is a given that you rent grapes, you don't own them. This was where we were going to do Celebrity Disaster and GBH, but that all went to pot on me when Blogger started getting uppity.

That being said, I have two specialized blogs for the blind and for the intelligent. I have what I believe is the only Large Print blog currently in existence. If you're squinting a lot, go over to the LARGE PRINT edition  and enjoy. If you're sexy, intelligent, and like Macintosh computers, I have a micro-print blog  for you as well. I should go back to keeping them updated, but, alas, time constraints being what they are, I have fallen off that wagon.

If you like hotties, I have a Safe For Work Hotties blog.  But is anything really safe for work?  Of course not.

If you like drinking, check out the special blog that is designed to tell me what is going on at Scuddy's Bar  on the island of St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands. If you like Miranda, she has a blog but getting her to post on it is like pulling teeth.  Peej has an excellent blog as well, but he's not interested in empire building. He's interested solely in building his own pyramid of weird, whatever that is.

I also talk smack about sports. I'm not sure why. I think that I do so because I happen to be a pretty frisky boy, and I'm not sorry about that in the least.

Finally, I must address the fact that Father has his own blog, which he says is going to one day rival my own in popularity. Well, seeing as how he averages three hits a day, and two of them are his and one of them is mine, well, good luck with that.

I don't know what other blogs are being concocted or started. I do know this--it's weird here. And we like it that way.

bored

i'm bored someone come talk to me

son of a bitch kill this

looks like you chip! heee hee hee hee he~!
]



when is someone going to come and cut on the television? I unplugged it yesterday to save juice and now the plug is bent goddamnitall

bloody hell

can't find the potato I was saving in case the girl took the good potato

pooped a few days ago

just keeping you in the loop don't know why

damned good picture

I leaned out the window last night to take a picture for the boys thats coming to take me out of here but the best I could do was this photo i think it keeps the details all in line.

kind of artsy I think.







Bah!

the fat girl is taunting me

when the fat girl walks around with my potato between her legs, I get angry.

tried to poop, fell off the toilet, hit my elbow, thought I was done

Bad news, Chip, didn't break anything and I'm going to live for damned fucking ever. Ha!

i told the fat girl to take off her perfume and she made the batty eyes at me

Peej get Anatoly to come get me don't tell Chip I'm thinking if we get to the coast, I can leave the shore in a dinghy raft and we can meet our rendezvous at sea.

appropo of nothing this infuriates me

damn hell Chip where'd you get this picture?




Bah!

what's new with you

I found a cookie in the chair that the big girl didn't know about and when I was eating it, I realized it was a coaster. Tasted fine though because I'm used to being forced to eat things that aren't food.

who called me on the talking machine

can't walk that fast let it ring I'm guessing one of you dummies called